We're about 7 months away, and while many brides are only starting to consider the name question, I've been down that road and back! What did I decide? I'm going to be Mrs. McGroomerson. "Gee, how, umm...traditional," say the feminists. "What made you decide to give up your name?"
Now, I consider myself very much a feminist, so this post is not at stab at them, or anyone, for that matter. Keeping my name (I hate the phrase "maiden name"), taking Groomy's without qualification, hyphenating, and adding his name to mine were all options from the start, and I believe that you should do whatever works for you. Some people assumed that, because I chose to take my fiance's name, I just blindly followed tradition, without any consideration. Thinking that way is a mistake, and I caution everyone not to make snap judgments about a person's values based on how they choose their name after marriage. My decision was complicated and had nothing to do with tradition.
I love my name. It has a lyrical beauty, in my humble, unbiased opinion. I also love it because I chose it. About 3 years ago, I decided to change my last name to honor the family that raised me - my grandparents. While I was at it, I took my late grandmother's first name as a middle name, as I was not given one at birth. so I went from Bridey McRandom to Bridey Grammy McBriderson. (I promise, if you knew my real name, it would sound much more lyrical!) And I use "Grammy" on everything - email, business cards, publications - everything. I am like Sarah Michelle Gellar with the three names.
As a side note, I thought about changing my first name to McLovin, but two "Mc"s in one name was too much.
As you can see, the typical bridal name change calculus was complicated for me by the significance of my names and my desire to keep my middle name as one for "everyday" use. Certainly, Bridey Grammy McBriderson McGroomerson was too many names, and Bridey Grammy McBriderson-McGroomerson was just too cumbersome. And both had too many "Mc"s, obviously. So why didn't I just tell Groomy to keep his dirty man-name away from my lyrical beauty?
Well, you see, it was really, really important to him that we share a last name. Of course, my initial reply to that was that, if it was so important, he could take McBriderson. This was, of course, delivered with touch of a growl and a swift turn on my heel. I'm nothing if not dramatic. Thing is, it is really important to me that we share a name, too. I grew up with a different last name than my family and it really bothered me. I didn't want that trend to continue into adulthood and I didn't want our children to have a different name. All that could've been accomplished by either (a) Groomy taking my name, (b) us both hyphenating, or (c) me taking McGroomerson. Option (a) didn't sit well with Groomy, despite all my arguments (if you'd like a sample, request it in the comments - I'm damn convincing), and (b) didn't work for me because the hyphenated name is too long to also include my beloved Grammy. So, it was (c), by process of elimination.
It made it easier that I'm not concerned about losing my professional identity, as many brides are. The name combo Bridey Grammy is pretty unusual, so if people were vexed by the last name, they'd probably still "get" that it was me. Also, Groomy and I work in the same specialty, and his actual last name is terribly unique, so people would easily be able to put two and two together. Plus, he's really good at what he does, so associating with him can only help me!
As long as we're being honest, I should admit that the decision wasn't entirely logical. The idea of me taking his name made Groomy really happy. This is a man who makes me happier than I've ever been just by existing, and who goes out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable, entertains my unreasonable demands for far-flung fast food when I'm sick, and swelters in the car just so my nose isn't cold. It makes me happy to make him happy in this way. Plus, I'm proud to become a McGroomerson. They're good people.
What are you doing with your moniker, post-nuptials? Was it an easy decision or a more drawn-out journey?
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