My Wedding Party is Driving Me Crazy

Well, one member in particular. I've tried to be as patient as possible, but sometimes patience fails me. And when things go awry, it's easy to feel like she's trying to sabotage this whole thing...

Oh, but Brooke, you're so damn cute! This past week our precious little ringbearer (ringdoger? She's certainly not a bear...) got the idea to pee on the living room floor while we were asleep and we didn't catch it until later in the morning. This has resulted in some unfortunate buckling of our high-quality parquet flooring. That we do not own. That we're sure the apartment complex people will be none too happy is damaged. And this buckling is not minor, feel-it-give-a-little-under-your-feet buckling, it's full-fledged trip-you-and-cause-you-to-take-a-header-into-the-coffee-table buckling. It feels lethal. And expensive. Not a great combination.

So Brooke, I'm not trying to be all Bridezilla or anything, but seeing as you are our ringbearer, do you think you could stop trying to kill us with the floor, mmmkay? So that this whole shindig actually happens in 10 days? Kthanksbye.

Special thanks to elise for her help with this one!

Wedding Meat

Many brides vent about their RSVP situation. They have to chase down half or more of the guests by phone, email, or Facebook. In contrast, ours was really pretty tame. Sure, we had a few late responders, but almost everyone was good about getting us an answer once they realized they had blown the RSVP deadline. I did, however, have the funniest conversation with my 91-year-old grandfather about a relative of mine. This relative was a little late in responding, and my grandpa offered to check in with him, which was much appreciated. I received the following call from my grandfather as I am sitting in the pedicure chair, I'm sure sounding like the requisite bridezilla to the rest of the nail salon.

Grandpa: Uncle So-and-so is coming
Me: Great! Is he bringing a date?
Grandpa: Huh?
Me: A date? Is he bringing a date?
Grandpa: A what?
Me: A date.
Grandpa: A what??
Me: A date. A girlfriend. A female. A lady friend. A fiance. An escort…
Grandpa: Why do you need to know? Do you need to have a meal or something for her?

At this point, I am half laughing, half incredulous, and another half frustrated.

Me: Yes, I need to have a meal for her, a place for her at the table, and a placecard. This is a formal sit-down dinner, not a BBQ.
Grandpa: Well, I'll eat a hot dog.

/dead. I nearly fell out of my pampered princess pedicure chair laughing. I mean, what do you say to that? And what a cute reminder that the minutia, while it does matter in a practical sense, is just fluff to those who will be at this shindig to support you, and for no other reason. They will, indeed, eat a hot dog, if that's what you're serving!

To borrow another blogger's timeline-oriented signoff: I'm 12 days away from the wedding and remembering how lucky I am to have people who make my life so rich.

Something old, something new…

For some reason, whenever I hear the phrase "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue", I think of the scene in 90210 when Brenda is about to elope with Stuart Carson, but her friends get wind of it, show up and help her get ready. At the last minute, they realize she's missing her important old, new, borrowed, and blue items and outfit her accordingly. Everyone seems, of course, to be armed with the perfect accroutrements, as it may be, but this is television, so I expect nothing less.



I couldn't find the actual scene, so this will have to do. I do like a daily dose of BH-9-er.

I realized recently that while I'd secured something blue (a blue topaz right-hand ring Groomy scored from Overstock), I was missing new, borrowed, and old items…what to do?

Well, I guess my dress is new. My undies certainly are. But what about old and borrowed? All my jewelry has already been picked out and is not old (it's not even real, heehee…keepin' it classy!). I toyed with the idea of wearing really old underwear, but that seemed a little odd (and, again, oh so classy). Even more odd is the idea of wearing borrowed underwear…

By no means do I think my marriage is doomed without these items, but I'd like very much to participate in this tradition, if possible. Any ideas?

PWD

PWD? WTF, is that like NWA? Sadly, it's not an old-school rap group. That would be fun, though.

If you've ever seen this:



and laughed yourself silly, you've heard of the big PWD: Post-Wedding Depression. While I sincerely feel for its sufferers, I just don't think that'll be me in 4 weeks. Dude, I'll be so glad when this is over! I want my free time back.

Sure, I'll miss having a project (although it's easy to remedy that!), but I won't miss worrying about whether two shades of purple match or coordinate, or whether I've got the right font. I won't miss spending the hours of 10-11 pm and 7-8 am tying ribbons in a desperate effort to get these wedding projects done around my jam-packed work schedule. I won't miss figuring out how to best make 140 people feel happy and comfortable even though there are only 5 prime tables in the space. I won't miss the detail work. I won't miss the extreme pressure to make this wedding and engagement the "best time of our lives" even though it's really only a small part of the many years we'll spend as a couple. I won't miss feeling let down by people and wondering if my memories of them will be what taints this "best time" in my life. I won't miss the ever-present theme of family that permeates a wedding, a constant reminder that members of mine are conspicuously absent.

Don't get me wrong. I love our wedding. I love Groomy and I love that we're going to be married in just over two weeks. I have loved a lot of the planning and there are a ton of things that I will miss. I will miss watching Groomy diligently mold 200 chocolate lobster favors, staying up late 3 weeknights in a row and sacrificing the better part of a Sunday. Have you ever heard of such groomal dedication? I will miss doing fun girly wedding things with my friends, like dress shopping and fittings. I will miss sitting down to a Lifetime movie marathon with a craft project in front of me, knowing that Tori Spelling and I will get things done, one way or another. I will miss the feeling of elation you get when you see a project come together after countless hours of thought and hard work. And I will never forget the amazing feeling that is the outpouring of love we've received from so many people.

Getting married teaches you many lessons. I know that our lives will change and Groomy and I become husband and wife. Separate and apart from that, planning the party that is a wedding teaches you many distinct lessons as well. You learn about priorities, both yours and others', relationships, both family and friends, financial management skills, both yours and your fiancé's…I could go on and on. I've learned a lot in the past year, but I'm anxious to move on with our lives and see what the next chapter holds. So, no PWD for this bride. It's full speed ahead to the rest of our amazing lives.