Saying Yes to the Dress, Part II

When we left off, I was searching for a budget-friendly, natural-fiber gown with drama but without rhinestones, fit for an outdoor wedding. I made an appointment at the mecca of all bridal shops, Kleinfeld, and brought with me six opinionated ladies and my little wedding book, already populated with gown images.

In the interest of full disclosure I should tell you that I don't have any photos of me in any of these gowns, as the stores would not allow it. However, I'll do my best with stock images, and you can imagine a 5'2" size 6 blonde in them. Perhaps you can also imagine me prettier, with my arms nice and toned, just to make me feel better.

At Kleinfeld, I was lucky enough to meet Anne Barge (she was very sweet) and painfully squeeze myself into a couple of her size 10 sample gowns. I was unconvinced. My girlfriends were even less convinced ( I don't think the sales associate liked them very much).

Because I was looking for mermaid and trumpet gowns, the sample size mattered much more, as my hips and thighs are not exactly petite. After trying on the first few gowns, a dress had to be something special for me to put the effort into shimmying into it.

So it was back to the racks! I found a Lazaro I absolutely loved:
{Mine was missing the flowers growing out of the butt and was all ivory}

But, at $6100, it was not doable. And, I will admit, my friends were kind of meh about it.

Everyone loved this Michelle Roth gown


Everyone, that was, but me! It made me look nice and skinny, but it didn't have the "oomph" I was seeking.

After Kleinfeld's, we were tired, so we went shopping for regular clothes. I made an appointment the next day at shop in New Jersey, and my most opinionated (and I mean that in a GOOD way) bridesmaid offered to join me. There, we tried another Lazaro (also $6100), a simple satin a-line, and the ill-fated Kenneth Pool gown from my earlier post. This visit was one of the most helpful in my search for the gown, because I learned what really complimented me.

The Lazaro was the same style as the one above, but with beading instead of embroidery. It was gorgeous, and the sample fit me like a glove, allowing me to see how the dress would really fit on my wedding day. However, the cost and the actual physical weight of the dress (because of the beading) were both massive. And, the dress kind of wore me, instead of the other way around. My plans for fantastic accessories and a pretty lace-edged veil died as soon as I put that sucker on. Even so, I loved it. But it wasn't the one. To this day I still pour a little out for my homey LZ3766 when I pass a bridal shop.

This simple a-line let me shine and made me look graceful and classic.


Alas, it suffered the same fate as the Michelle Roth. No drama, no pizzazz. The Kenneth Pool was kind of everything all in one dress - it was fitted but full, sleek but dramatic. Store employees and customers couldn't take their eyes off me. However, it was much more appropriate for a hotel ballroom than a Hudson Valley country club. So, sadly, I had to let it go.

So, did that leave me just steps away from my perfect gown, having narrowed down my needs and wants? Of course not, silly! This saga went on for a few good weeks before I was able to rest.

How many weekends did you monopolize shopping for that perfect gown?

Budget Brides

If you tool around the internet, you'll see tons of references to so-called "budget brides." I often see stunning weddings on blogs like Style Me Pretty where the narrative notes that the bride made her own centerpieces from materials found at thrift stores or that all paper products are DIY. The handmade placecards strung on raffia twine, the vintage milkglass, the mismatched flea market china, and the tall, elegant bride in her jcrew dress all stare back at me mockingly, under a perfect blue sky and a roof of green leaves. Many brides on Weddingbee post their budgets at the end, and the breakdown for a classy, original affair with artistic photos to boot is only $13k.

After looking at my own Spreadsheet of Doom, I wonder how it is that these, the most coveted of weddings, can be done on a "budget"? And why is my wedding costing so damn much? What's wrong with me? Why can't I embrace the beauty that is vintage, low-cost elegance?

Well, for one, our wedding is in NY. If not in NY, it would've been in NJ - two of the most expensive states in the country. Here, a wedding without an open bar or a cocktail hour is just not an option. It's all built into the price of your reception hall. And, unlike sunny southern California, we can't just plunk some tables under some trees and string lanterns from the branches, although it is oh so beautiful and I never get tired of seeing that look. So, we're kind of stuck with one of the few places in our area we really like, and it's not exactly cheap. Sadly, the cheap places looked, well, cheap. See a pattern, here?

Also, I've noticed a lot of those weddings have about 75 guests. That's a huge cost savings. Our wedding will be much bigger than that. Mr. McBriderson has a big family, and we didn't want to leave anyone out. Plus, we both had a decent-sized list of friends and colleagues we wanted to party with us.

So, those two factors alone seem to price us right out of the "budget" category. This is not to say that we haven't cut any corners or looked for the best deals. We have been lucky to fall below budget in several categories and gotten some great deals on vendors with whom we're really pleased to be working. We're not going to be on Platinum Weddings or anything, but we also won't be featured on a budget weddings blog.

That said, I'd still love to capture some of those homemade elements and bring them into the look of our celebration. I'm just not sure how yet...

How have blogs influenced your planning and your perception of what a wedding should be?

Say Yes to the Damn Dress, Already!

I am certainly not the first blogger to rip off the name of the TLC show we all know and love (and some of us love to hate), but the title is fitting, for two reasons: (1) I am obsessed with this show, even though my dress has been purchased, and (2) It took me a while to finally say yes, and it was pretty unexpected when I did.

Remember that episode of SYTTD where one of the brides says she wants to try on every dress available to be sure she's getting the best one? One of the staff members compares dress shopping to finding a mate - you don't keep dating after you meet the one, just be "be sure." You trust your gut and just take it on faith sometimes that he's the one.

Well, I could easily have been that bride. Or close. You see, while I didn't need to try on every dress, I definitely wanted to see everything that was out there before making a decision. Bridal magazines, designer websites, preowned dress sites, message boards - you name it, I was using it for to find out what styles were out there, what they cost, and what they looked like on real women. If nothing else, I was armed to the hilt with information.

Unfortunately, I also had a budget. Mr. McBriderson (Groomey, if you will) and I had many discussions about the overall budget for our wedding and about what a wedding dress really costs. By demonstrating to him how much some designer dresses cost, I was able to get him to agree to half that number for my dress budget. Master negotiator, I am not. However, I felt confident that, based on my extensive research, I could find a new gown I loved, or a used higher-end gown for that price.

Finally, I had requirements. A whole bunch. First, no polyester. I don't like the way it falls on many dresses (especially taffeta) and I don't wear it in my everyday life - why should I wear it for my wedding? Plus, based on my research, I knew that there were several designers who sold silk dresses at or below my budget (Marisa Bridals is one, for example).

Second, the gown had to have pizazz. Not "pizazz" like a lot of rhinestones, tons of beading, or jazz hands. Pizazz as in, it had to have something "special" to it. I am just not an A-line girl. If it was to be a traditional shape, it had to have a full skirt. If it was to be a mermaid or trumpet, it had to have a poof at the bottom. There had to be drama of some sort.

Third, the gown had to be appropriate for my wedding, with its outdoor ceremony and modern, understated ballroom. This meant all the pretty gowns with rhinestone detailing I loved just wouldn't cut it.



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This Kenneth Pool gown looked great on me but was a sad casualty of Requirement #3

What was your vision for your gown? Did you employ a systematic approach to shopping?

True Colors

I think every bride comes to the realization at some point that a color is not just a color. When I said I wanted purple and brown, I thought the surefire way to avoid any shade confusion was to also add a light purple to the mix, so that most things would coordinate and there would be no need to walk around with a Pantone color swatch.

Yeah, not so much. It turns out that there are a million shades of purple. Some are more blue and some are more red. Because, duh, purple is red and blue mixed together! Some are more grey, some are more pink. Some are...well, you get the idea. So when I said I wanted an eggplant bridesmaid dress and lavender bouquets, like Mrs. Martini, below, I thought we were done.



The problem was, once I received the swatch from the eggplant dress, it looked kind of reddish. I toddled around with the swatch in my purse for two weeks, whipping it out in every conceivable light, at every time of day. Sometimes it looked more purple than others, and I just didn't want to gamble that they would look burgundy on the day itself.

Unfortunately, the dresses the bridesmaids and I chose together (and I happen to love) don't come in any other shade of dark purple. They came in lavender, which no one (including me) liked. Plus it looked a little pinky. See where I'm going with this?

In the end, we'd like our colors to look like this:



Thankfully, my bridesmaids are lovely and patient, and are happy to wear whatever purple I choose. They have also looked at countless photos and listened intently to my ideas about dress brands, fabric changes and color combinations.

Right now we are thinking of changing the fabric of the dresses from satin to this color taffeta:

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Hopefully, this will be the one and I can stop dreaming of burgundies, plums and wines. It is exhausting!

We had a similar situation with our Save the Dates, a gorgeous design by Jessica's Design Shop:

Didn't she do a great job? We absolutely love them, but when the paper proof came, the purple was just too blue for our tastes. Thankfully, Jessica is one patient lady (seeing a theme here?) and she has sent us several shades of purple samples from which to choose. And Mr. McBriderson and I looked at them in all sorts of light, at all times of day, trying to determine which is best.

At the end of the day, the wedding will be wonderful even if the shades are not right. But I will say that, in spite of the frustration, the experience of making these decisions along with my bridesmaids and my groom has reminded me of how much people really care about me and us.

Has color been a thorn in your side during your planning?

Karaoke means empty orchestra in Japanese

Most of us dream of our wedding before the shiny bauble is on our finger. For me, it wasn't white dresses or pretty flowers. My dreams were of the party we'd have, the fun with our friends, the dance music, the afterparty. More importantly, the karaoke that must take place, logically, because some of the best times Mr. McBriderson and I have had as a couple have included great pop music, terrible Japanese vignettes, and wireless mics.

Karaoke at a wedding, you say? Of course not! Surely it would distract from dinner. No, my ingenious plan was to have a karaoke rehearsal dinner.



Doesn't it look like fun? Sadly, I had to let go of my idea, little by little, as we decided against an NYC wedding, which meant there would be no karaoke bars close by. Renting a karaoke machine and driving it up to the Hudson Valley was an option, but it seemed a little contrived. Then, last weekend as my girlfriends and I were singing along to my iPod at the top of our lungs after several glasses of wine, it hit me. Rehearsal Dinner Karaoke was actually the worst idea ever, because it would have required our wedding party and parents - arguably the most important people at the wedding - to get incredibly drunk the night before. Most normal people (read: people other than Bridey and Mr. McBriderson) require large doses of alcohol in order to belt out "Lady Marmalade." Oh, well, perhaps at the bachelorette party.

Did any of your wedding dreams fall prey to the great beast that is practicality?

I'm a blogger! Really?

It is with some trepidation that I begin my first blog post here on The Indecisive Bride. As with many bloggers (actually, too few bloggers), I wonder if my thoughts and experiences will be interesting and entertaining to my friends and family, or to people who don't have an obligation to be nice to me (to my face, at least).

Casting aside those doubts, I begin this blog to share my wedding ideas, inspirations, and tribulations, in the hopes that they might inspire some other brides out there.

So, who is Bridey McBriderson? I'm 29 years old (almost 30!) planning my wedding in New York's Hudson Valley for September 2010. I am a classic second-guesser. With ten months to go until the wedding, I've gotten a lot of planning done, then proceeded to second-guess myself most of the way through. My bridesmaids and I chose the dresses in the matter of an hour, and I've been second-guessing the color for weeks. My fiance and I chose our venue after weeks of research on my part, but I still hop onto google whenever I hear of a wedding at a venue with which I'm unfamiliar. It's a terrible disease. Perhaps I should've called my blog "The Indecisive Bride Goes to Rehab" because I've got to stop this second-guessing!

What decisions have you second-guessed in the course of your wedding planning?